2005-04-29 || 2:51 a.m.
who i am at 2:51 a.m.

Now a days, all I ever do is confuse myself. All I do, every emotion I'm made of, everything that I say, I just contradict myself. It's odd. Yeah I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I just feel so lost, like I'm just something so insignificant in a world where I should just be so much more. I know that probably sounds like my ego is big enough to choke a horse. But why are we here? I mean obviously we all have to have the potential to do something great. That's why we're here, right? So why isn't anyone doing that? Why can't someone just break away and do something great already? And the even bigger question is why can't that someone be me?

Well I suppose as far as I'm concerned... I'm not going to be doing anything great if I can't even get this simple annotated bibliography done soon. Bleh.

Writing in diaryland is so different. The thing I loved so much about it is the fact that no one I knew had it. That way, I never felt pressured to write something one way or the other to make sure everyone was happy. I was writing solely for myself. I didn't have to worry about grammar (even though I really am a grammar nazi at heart), diction, flow... it was just a nice place to get my feelings out in a sort of organized chaotic way. I never actually read anyone else's blogs to have to worry about what mine sounded like in comparison. Now that I've been devirginized by the world of xanga and livejournal, I'm used to more sophisticated writers who present organized, well-thought out entries that make mine sort of shy in comparison. I'm not out for the comments. Believe me, if I wanted to be an online friend whore, I'd utilize my Asianity and send naked pictures to a porn site. I bet that would get me noticed.

However, all I can really offer is my brutal honesty. That's who I am. That's how you'll have to read it. Things won't necessarily make sense because I write what I think. When I think, I tend to jump from idea to idea. New things excite me. I can't wait to get to a new story so I'll stop midway in another one.

This is who I am... take it or leave it.